The Gift of "Presence"

Just last night I had a conversation with a fairly new pastor. Many years ago I was his Sunday school teacher and recently was reconnected to him through the magic of Facebook. Anyway, he just began a new pastorate two weeks ago and called me wanting some feedback. You see the situation was that someone in his church found himself in intensive care after suffering a stroke. The man is in his mid-forties and devestated and confused. Wouldn't you or I be? Well, my friend wanted to run the details of his initial visit with this man by me  because he wasn't sure he handled it properly. I felt honored to be on the other end of that conversation.
Here is his pastoral dilemma.
What does anyone say to a man that is suffering physically, emotionally and spiritually over the apparent tragedy that just happened in his young life? And, how do I answer the "why" questions about his situation? Also, did I say the right things to him?
Well, after listening to this wonderful young man of God I encouraged him by letting him know that he offered his best care. Here is why: Not because he answered all of his questions but because he gave him his presence. You see, there are so many times in the midst of an apparent tragedy that we think we need to have answers to the big questions, most of which contain the word: Why? When, in actuality aren't we really asking for someone to stand alongside of us and walk with us through the crisis? Seriously, do we really expect that our spiritual leaders and mentors can answer the most elusive questions of time eternal? I don't believe so. One of my mentors and spiritual advisors offered me this great story early in my ministry. Here is how it kind of goes:
     A man is walking down the road and falls into a deep hole. The walls are slick and steep and he cannot climb out on his own. A teacher comes by and asks him what he might have learned from his mishap. Then a philosopher happens by the hole and ponders the meaning of the hole in this man's life. A religious leader comes to the edge of the hole and asks the man if he believes God put him in that mess. Then, along comes Jesus and after surveying his dilemma, climbs down into the pit and says to him: Let's get out of this together.
Okay, so what is the meaning here? I think it's pretty obvious. In the immediacy of our circumstances we often think that we need someone to solve our dilemma for us, when in reality we need the presence of someone who cares about us and what we are facing and offers their help. So many times in my life and ministry I have discovered the healing power of a friend standing with me, or having the privilege of being that friend. Is that true for you? I'll bet it is.
So, my faithful readers, take a moment and look back at the times that you have been in a crisis. What meant the most to you: the solution or the support? And when someone calls on you in their own "hole", what would serve them best: offering your solutions or your support? It's a good question and one that can be answered.
Finding Real Freedom means being present for a friend sometimes. Believe me, a time is coming when you will need it as well...

Freedom to Respond

On January 5, 2009 I started my adventure with the US Census Bureau. I was hired as a Partnership Specialist and my charge was to create as many partnerships with the local leaders in fifteen counties here in Tennessee asking them to assist us in getting the word out about the importance of the upcoming 2010 Census. It's been a whirlwind eighteen months, but we are now winding down. Phew...the numbers are almost in.
So, why am I telling you this? My contract ends sometime between now and September 25, 2010. So guess what I'm doing again. Yes, that's right, job hunting.
These are tough times as many of you are aware of. Jobs are scarce and there are hundreds of applicants where there were just scores before. It is really easy to get discouraged. For example, I applied for two chaplaincy positions in the past couple of months. One of them was in a retirement home and the other a prison. The first, I didn't even get an interview, but several weeks later I received a letter saying, well you know, the standard rejection prose. And just last week, after a positive interview, I heard back from the county jail. Yes, someone else was selected.
So, let me ask you: How would you react, or, better yet, how do you react when you are disappointed? There are so many options, aren't there? Here's a samplingof some possibilities:

• Sadness
• Discouragement
• Denial
• Anger
• Depression
• Self-condemnation ( If I wasn't such a _____ I would have gotten the job)
• "Whatever"...which can actually be a kind of thinly veiled anger
•  Acceptance?

I think that our initial reaction to disappointing news can be influenced by a few factors.
First, it depends on how desperate your circumstances are. If you're at the end of your rope, and there is no knot to hang onto, then let-downs can be very devestating. I've had my share. I also think that the people you surround yourself with will most definitely have an impact on your reaction. Do you have supportive friends and family? That is critical. What about your the age factor? Wow, that hurts. I'm in the deep end of the fifties pool, and that has an impact on my employability for sure. And, finally, where does faith come in? Do you have any? I'm not just talking about that pie-in-the-sky kind of belief system, but a core faith in yourself and your abilities.
Personally, I am a man of faith. Mine is in a God that cares about everything that happens to me and for me. Even with that spiritual dimension, I still have to believe that I can accomplish what I need to in this life. I also have to have someone close to me that has similar confidence and faith.
So, let me finish this up. Every one of us will face disappointments. Life is just that way. How we react is not only an indication of our healthiness, but also a determinant. We cannot be afraid to be honest about our circumstances with someone that can assist us. I have used a select few confidants, several supportive friends and family members, the clergy and even an occasional counselor.
Give someone the privilege to be there to catch you as you're falling. It will certainly make the landing a lot easier.
By the way, my reaction to the news about the jail chaplaincy was an amazing peace. I believe that God showed me in my last season of unemployment that the "no" is a step toward the "yes" that is waiting for me.

Until next time...God bless you.
Vinny

Are You an Advocate?

This past Tuesday during my time at Walker State Prison in Georgia, the men in my class were discussing the critical need to have an advocate after release. This conversation was stimulated by our study of the book of Acts. You see in the early Christian church there was a great persecution headed by a notorious man named Saul. His goal appeared to be to single-handedly destroy as many believers as he possibly could. Without getting too involved in the verse by verse account, suffice it to say that Saul had a miraculous conversion and became one of the believers that he was previously hunting down.

Let me ask you a question: If that was your organization, and the former public enemy number one suddenly claimed he was now a dear friend, what would you do? You would at least be quite skeptical, true? Me too. So, the situation needed a solution. That solution came in the form of a man named Barnabas, aka: Son of Encouragement. I'm sure you can see where this is going. Barnabas introduced Saul to the inner circle and everything was great.

So, how does this apply to men and women who need to start a new life after incarceration? One of the men in our group said it very concisely: "I need a Barnabas when I get out." I know, it's a risky venture. I recently read a story on Facebook from Prison Fellowship. You know, the organization started by former president Nixon's man, Chuck Colson. According to this former inmate's posting, he had been in prison for 20 years. While there, he saved all of his pay from his twenty-five-cent an hour job for a motorcycle. He was ready to start all over and found someone who was willing to take a chance on him and hired him to work in his business.

How many of us would do that? Would I? To this day this ex-con remains a faithful employee and an honest man.

Did you know that the first three hours after an inmate is released are the most critical? So many men and women make life-changing decisions within those few hours: either positive or negative.

So, where am I going with this? I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Many Barnabas's are needed. I've had my share and endeavor to be one for when someone needs me.

God bless you in your journey to find "Real Freedom."

Been Thinking About Grace...

If you read my last (and first ever) blog, you know a little bit about me. Let's dig a little deeper, shall we? I'm a beneficiary. No, not of a big family inheritance. I don't come from that kind of background. Yet I have benefited from so much in my lifetime. Here is a short list:

• Both of my parents loved me,
• My dad taught me so many things, including a solid work ethic,
• My mom, whom we recently buried, stayed at home for us,
• I went to good public schools and then had a great college education,
• I've met some incredible people in my lifetime,
• My health is good,
• I've got two grown and very responsible children with children of their own,
• And I've been blesssed with a wonderful wife.

That's just a sampling of the ways I am a beneficiary. But guess what? With all these benefits I have not been a perfect man!! (Don't act so surprised, none of you have been perfect either.) So, once in a while I just have to pause and think about how I've survived thus far.

We had family visiting us for a few days recently and they are raising their sweet granddaughter. I honestly don't know how they do it. As we were hanging out together with the baby, I noticed that some things have changed since my childhood. For instance, how did we make it without our own baby-designed toothpaste? And what about those special bumper pads for high chairs in a restaurant? Did you know any kids that wore bicycle helmets, knee and elbow pads? Not in my neighborhood! What was a seatbelt? For me that was when I misbehaved in the car and dad handled it!

So, what am I getting at? I'll tell you. There are some very important not-so-obvious aspects to being a benificiary. Those things you cannot see but know you've been given. I'm talking about grace. Grace is the intangible. I recognize that I have been given so much that I not only do not deserve, but I could not even earn on my own. I love talking about grace because it disarms folks. It's a peaceful word, isn't it? Whenever I think about grace two things come to mind: 1) My favorite book What's So Amazing About Grace written by my favorite author, Philip Yancey; and 2) An encounter I had with a young inmate in the Central Florida Reception Center where I was chaplain.

The first I highly recommend picking up and reading for yourself, but the second I'll tell you about. After about three years of ministering to and teaching the Bible to the men at that state prison I had a young man knock on my office door and ask to come in. I motioned him inside and he simply said: "Chaplain Joy, I just want to say thank you." By the look on my face he could tell I was unclear about what he was referring to. Just for a little background, this young man had been convicted of shaking his young son to death three years earlier. He was like a closed book and very rigid and legalistic when it came to his faith. Needless to say I was curious about what he was grateful for. He then said: "You taught me about grace and I want to thank you." Yes, my eyes filled up...because I realized how difficult it was for him to admit and what an amazing work God had done.

So, I've been thinking about that intangible: grace. That young inmate didn't deserve it and neither do I. But I am amazed at what a beneficiary I am.

Until next time. God bless you.

Vinny

Just So You Know...

Hey everyone. This is my first Blog entry and I thought I would get right down to it and let you know who I am. My name is Vinny Joy, AKA: My Cousin Vinny and I am married to Valerie Robinson-Joy. We have been married since December 6, 2003 and moved to Chattanooga in May of 2008. The Army moved us here as Valerie is a Sergeant First Class and works in a unit locally. We really love it here and have hopes of retirement (not too soon) in this area. I've got grown children from a previous marriage, both living nearby in North Georgia. God has blessed me with two wonderful grand-boys and a sweet, lovely granddaughter.
My background is in pastoral ministry and I have also been a prison chaplain. Right now I'm finishing up some work with the US Census Bureau and transitioning back into ministry. New Covenant Fellowship Church is our home and I just began serving there as Discipleship Pastor. Tabi Upton and I met while attending a neighborhood event, she representing Chattanoogacounselor.com and I the 2010 Census.
So, why blog? I've got a lot on my mind concerning hope, freedom, grace and overcoming struggles. My desire is to share some of those thoughts here and hopefully encourage someone along the way. I guess it's impossible to live as long as I have (balding and grey hairs prove it) and not discover some things about this life. God has allowed me to go through some stuff and rescued me from so many other disasters. I personally believe that we all need to experience freedom, hope, love and grace. I always remind the guys I minister to in prison that you can be freer in here than some of the folks I know "out there!" real freedom comes from real faith in a real God. My key Bible verse, and I promise not to beat y'all to death with them, is found in the gospel of John, chapter 8, verse 36. And it says: "So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed." I believe that from my crop-circle at the top of my head, all the way to my size 12 1/2 feet!
I hope we can have some fun together as we explore this adventurous existence and get to know each other. So, for now...God bless.